What Would Happen if Everyone Was Less Defensive?


Things seem to have turned upside down here in the United States lately.  After COVID-19 began to fade from the news, riots broke out all over the country.  Many are rehashing the past which is never a good thing because there is no momentum to move forward in a dynamic way.  Others are by blaming everyone and everything for their current situation instead of owning up to their part and balancing their mind and emotions. 

No matter what group a person falls into, they seem to always be on the defensive insisting their stance is the right and only way.  However, in my experience, being defensive is usually a less than optimal way of responding. 

Being defensive serves to escalate the situation and create further barriers to meaningful communication. 

Whether something was said to you in spite, or you merely misinterpreted a comment, avoiding an aggressive response is often more prudent.


Tips on being less defensive: 

🎯 Realize that everyone is doing the best they can.

That’s not to say that everyone is demonstrating 100% of their potential. But each minute of the day, everyone is operating the best they can, given their mood, past experiences, skills, coping skills, and so on. When you can adopt this belief, you approach each situation from the heart center and it’s just about impossible for anyone to upset you.

🎯 It isn’t personal.

We can all be grumpy. You might remind someone of their ex. Some individuals are just rude.

Allow someone to have a bad day without allowing it to ruin yours. Everyone has their own biases and opinions.  It’s okay to agree to disagree.

🎯 Clarify.

We often jump to conclusions. Before you do, ask a few questions. Know what’s going on before taking things to the next level. Really get an understanding for where the other person is coming from.

🎯 Pause.

How many times would you have changed your words or deeds if only you had waited 30 seconds? Give yourself a minute to respond if you’re feeling emotionally charged. Consider how much easier your life would be with simple pauses sprinkled throughout your day.

🎯 Stop defending yourself.

If you have a healthy level of self-esteem, you’re much less likely to be defensive. Be comfortable with who you are.  Know your authentic self and live up to it. 

🎯 Relax.

The more stressed you are, the more likely you are to respond quickly and inappropriately. When you’re calm and relaxed, you’re more capable of responding in a reasonable manner.

Make a list of activities that relax your mind and body. Spend time engaging in one of them each hour.

🎯 Figure out if the criticism is accurate.

We may not recognize the areas in which we require a little work. Examine the criticism you receive from others and judge the accuracy. If it’s accurate, be grateful and apply the newfound knowledge. If it’s inaccurate, balance your mind and emotions to let it go and move on.

🎯 Realize that you’re less than perfect.

If you can accept the fact that you don’t know everything, it’s easier to respond in a more appropriate way.

Be mature enough to admit when you’ve erred, rather than getting defensive. It will satisfy whomever you’re interacting with and defuse the situation.

🎯 Understand what being defensive is costing you.

Think about the consequences you’ve experienced by being defensive. Soured relationships, issues at work, alienated family members, and loneliness can all be consequences of overreacting or being steadfast instead of understanding and accepting of others beliefs.

Realizing the negative impact defensiveness can have on your life will enhance your motivation to change.

🎯 Make a list of your positive qualities.

When you’re feeling defensive, reflect on a quality you like about yourself. This can be challenging in the moment, so it helps to have a list of your positive qualities already in mind. 

Reminding yourself of your self-worth is a worthwhile habit to develop.

Everyone has been overly defensive from time to time. It’s part of being human. But there are consequences that can negatively impact your life by being overly defensive. If you can learn to be less defensive, your journey through life will be a lot less bumpy.

What would happen if everyone took this approach?

I believe by having a BALANCED mind, being AWARE of others, your environment and your own emotional responses gives way to leading a DYNAMIC – B.A.D Ass life!  Stress, Anxiety and Depression (S.A.D) dissipates and life is filled with my joy, love, understanding and compassion. 

As the lyrics go from the great John Lennon; “Imagine all the people, Living life in peace…”

Just writing about this brings a lightness to my heart. How do you feel?  Do you believe it’s possible?  Have you been S.A.D lately with what’s going on in the world?  Do you want to be a B.A.D Ass too?  It is possible. 

Love & Light to you and yours,  🙏🌈🙏


Your Mindset Transformation Virtuoso & Nature Goddess Guide


Written on 30 August, 2020 



Dawn-Marie P. Dalsass, President of  Livelihood Spirit Balance is a Stress Management Maven. She’s a Stress and Anxiety Expert for Middle Managers. She started her career in Corporate America while she was in high school and worked her way up the ranks finding herself in middle to upper management for most of her corporate career. She loved what she did but along the way she battled stress, anxiety and depression. When work and life were more than she could handle she planned her suicide in detail. Fortunately, she didn’t go through with it when she saw her 2 little boys on her way to get a knife with a plan to end it all. It was in that moment that she vowed to pull herself together and begin a new journey.

In 2015 she started her own business called Life Coach DM. After several years of working with clients, she realized that the majority of her clients were in middle management just like she was. She had helped most go from being stressed, anxious and / or depressed to being more balanced, aware and dynamic while guiding them on their own journey to achieve life goals including work life balance.

Dawn-Marie has since become a Certified Nature & Forest Therapy Guide and teaches individuals how they too can annihilate the stress, anxiety and depression (aka S.A.D) that middle managers and working parents can face through a process called equilibration (the balancing of the mind and emotions) along with the healing benefits a deep connection to nature (both indoors and out) can bring to become fully balanced, aware and dynamic (aka B.A.D).

Through her own practice, Dawn-Marie discovered what she calls Livelihood Spirit Balance where how one lives their life is in alignment with their authentic self, their B.A.D Ass-self. With Livelihood Spirit Balance, Work Life Balance and everything else just falls into place.

Based on her years of work and client success stories, Dawn-Marie changed her business name to Livelihood Spirit Balance to align with her teachings, mission, vision and purpose.

Dawn-Marie offers online courses, personal and corporate development coaching, workshops and seminars. As the owner of  Total Convalescence – Nature & Forest Therapy  she also offers public and private Nature & Forest Therapy Walks.

Dawn-Marie is a: