5 Ways to have a healthy relationship with your Mom
After 20 yrs of intimacy coaching and being a student of the heart, equilibrium and intimacy… Our relationship with our Moms, the Divine Mother, Pachamama and Mother Gaia, is so fundamental for our fulfillment, sense of safety, approval and belonging!
If we really looked hard, everyone’s mom is most likely a combination of challenge and support… We suffer when we clamor for pleasure, and push away the pain!
So, here are some ways to improve the health of your relationship with your Mom…
🌺 Forgive Her for Everything
I can count on one hand the awful moments I messed up as a mom, thinking: “Sh&t! There’s another hour of therapy for my child!” No mom is perfect. You don’t have to condone her behavior. Yet, please stop holding her in contempt. Holding onto resentment only poisons you and destroys the capacity to move forward with an open heart. Everyone’s always doing their best according to their values and level of consciousness.
Just choose to forgive her for your own freedom. For example say to yourself: “Thank you Mom, FOR GIVING me the experience of verbal abuse. I learned the power of sourcing my worth from the inside out, no matter what you or anyone said to me!”
🌺 Get Curious
Instead of rolling your eyes or assuming that you know who she is, choose to see her fresh curious eyes. Instead of assuming, ask her why something is meaningful to her, why something delights her, why something lights her up, why something irks her!
Ask her about her peak moments or most memorable moments of ‘being your mom’… Or the moments that she most regrets, yet has learned from… You might even want to record this, so that you have it one day when she’s gone!
🌺 Create Healthy Boundaries
Sometimes parents OR kids have trouble letting go. They think their worth, safety or meaning comes from ‘being the mom’, or ‘being taken care of as the child’. Once you’ve become adults, it’s important to give each other space to sit in your own fires of discomfort and learn to source your worth from the inside out. Appreciation is great… yet neediness is insecure.
Create a balance of time together, and time apart… So that each of you create a solid intimate relationship with yourself, your heart, your truth, your body’s wisdom, your mission vision and purpose… AND share your truths with one another when you reconnect!
🌺 Become Two Adults
There comes a time, the sooner we hit adulthood the better, when it’s time to shift from mother and child, to two adults. This evolves the relationship into a balanced dynamic of power, where neither is superior or inferior. Neither is right or wrong. Neither is good or bad. Both just ARE. Both take responsibility. Nobody blames. Hearts open to what’s possible… To what you may have never considered!
I recommend creating a ‘ritual’ of some sort where you put ‘to bed’ (or ‘to death’) the old identities, and rebirth as the new dynamic of two responsible, sovereign adults who can be ‘the wind in each other’s wings’.
🌺 Invite her to Mentor not ‘Mother’ You
If mom keeps telling you what to do, seemingly ‘medaling in your affairs’ or sharing unsolicited opinions… This can really create animosity, frustration and conflict. It can push you away, when all she’s probably doing is covering up her own discomfort, fears and worries with ‘fixing’. Simply be grateful for her care and concern. Then ask if you both could evolve into two sovereign beings, aka adults 😉. Where you appreciate her mentorship and wisdom… Ask if she would please be willing to wait until she’s asked for her contribution, rather than giving it unsolicited? End with gratitude, saying how that will make you feel respected, honored and way more connected, heard, understood – ultimately appreciative of spending time together!
In all honesty, this conversation isn’t going to go well even if you say the ‘right scripted words’, if you still have a ‘F*ck You’ energy underneath it! She will smell it. So seriously, do your forgiveness work, your intimacy healing work and gratitude work. So that you don’t come off as condescending or arrogant!
A great way to dissolve any blind-spots, to having this conversation go ‘swimmingly well’, would be to discover the blind-spot that’s keeping this ‘less than nourishing dynamic’ with your mom, or dad, sibling, business partner or friend.
Please allow my 20 years of breaking through intimacy blind-spots, to be of service, to transform your relationship by discovering your Intimacy Blind-spot, along with my Intimacy Success Advisors at www.AllanaPratt.com. Your return on investment, will pay for a lifetime of dividends in all 8 areas of your life. I Promise! 😀
Intimacy is an inside job.
We honor your heart, and have your back! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Deliciously, Allana xox
Written 29 December, 2019
Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt is a global media personality and go-to authority for those who have suffered heartbreak and are ready to live unapologetically, and attract an open-hearted, ideal relationship.
Her vulnerability and courage landed her a featured weekly column on the GoodMenProject, featured as an Icon of Influence, and as a Guest Expert on Huffington Post, People Magazine, Forbes, CBS & FOX and The Jenny McCarthy Show.
This Ivy League grad is the Author of 4 books, has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg and Alanis Morissette, and Hosts the edgy Podcast “Intimate Conversations” where listeners learn how to find the relationship they deserve. A certified coach, Allana was asked by Leeza Gibbons to coach her during Dancing with the Stars. With close to 5 million viewers on YouTube, Allana supports non profits like ‘Rise of the Butterfly’ to end human trafficking while offering private coaching and retreats so that her clients have a thriving intimate relationship with themselves first, which naturally attracts and enhances their ideal partnerships.
Contact Allana directly at: www.allanapratt.com