In Part One I explained that within all of your monsters or challenges lies a gift and I gave you three steps with a simple action step to replace your old one. In Part Two, I expounded on this by showing you these challenges come from within you and do not happen to you. What I explained is this: by focusing on both of these ideas and practicing them in your daily life, you will learn how to control your reactions to stress and use the gift within as a benefit. Applying these techniques over and over again will bring about change in the way you view your world and the way the world views you.
So if this is such a simple solution, why do people continually use a method that clearly is not working in their favor? Many people want to change but feel that the procedure to do so is much more painful than what they are presently experiencing. They use excuses, procrastination, or lack of information to substantiate their position; “I’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work”.
Typically, people use these justifications because they perceive that the pain to start another procedure or program will be much greater than the degree of pain they are currently experiencing. This is when I recommend, “kill the monster when it’s young.”
I see this in my own practice. Patients who decide to start my program are the ones who recognize their current routine, whether working with another health professional or ignoring their symptoms, is not working. The realize continuing on this path will cause more pain in the long run than what my program requires of them. I encourage you not to wait for your monsters to be so huge that they finally motivate you to change your lifestyle, i.e., a heart attack, major surgery, financial ruin, broken relationships, etc. Unfortunately I have seen cases when even the biggest catastrophe does not motivate someone to change.
“Never change things by fighting the existing reality… To change something build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” R. Buckminster Fuller was a renowned 20th century architect and inventor whose words ring so true.
If the model or method, whether it is a treatment program, financial program or whatever, is not producing the results or the reality you so desire, then you need to make a decision. Do you do the same thing over and over again and wish with all of your might that things will change or do you build or seek another method?
Many people will stay with what they know even though it is doomed to fail. One of the main reasons why someone does not seek out something new is because of fear of the unknown. As I explained earlier, they perceive it to be more painful than the place they are currently in. Why wait for the inevitable to knock on your door when you can alter the outcome by taking action? That action always starts with making a decision to do so.
I would like to share with you three steps when used consistently, will allow you to create a model to live the life you were meant to live.
STEP 1: A Willingness To Start. “A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step “Lao-tzu – the ancient Chinese philosopher who wrote the Tao Te Ching. Whether he meant an actual step or the step of making the decision to do so, your willingness is needed and without it, nothing happens.
STEP 2: A Proven Method or System That Works. Seeking out someone who has a high success rate allows you not to reinvent the wheel. Sometimes when people start my individualized program I have designed for them, they change it somewhat and wonder why they are not getting the same results their friend achieved who referred them. If it works, why change it?
STEP 3: Coaching or Mentoring. If you are going to learn how to fly a plane, would you read the manual and then go fly it? Of course not. Wouldn’t you need someone who has experience with flying to teach you the ins and outs? You would never bypass this step when learning to fly a plane, so why bypass it when beginning anything like a weight loss program, investing money, healthy living, or going through life changing events? Using a mentor or coach who not only has a proven record but encountered similar experiences will help guide you to a more successful outcome.
I have used these steps to create my successful model called the “Simply Transform” Program. If a person comes to me for a consultation to see whether or not I can guide them to a healthier, happy and fulfilling life and are not committed to the first step, then they are not accepted as a patient. Even though I provide the other two steps, without the first one both of us are bound to fail. Nothing happens until the first step is taken.
Let’s explore each of these three steps.
The first thing you want to do it sit in a quiet room and write down your challenge. Ask yourself if the model or method you have chosen is working. If so, on a scale of 1-10, ten being fully successful, what number would you give your results? Is that an acceptable number to you? To me anything less than an 8.5 needs to be reevaluated.
If the number is not acceptable, then use the procedures below to evaluate each of the three steps. This will allow you to find the weak link in your model.
1) Unwillingness to Start. Is the number you picked due to your unwillingness to start? If no, go to step two. If yes, write down what resistance is stopping you. What fears are causing this? What is the worst that can happen to you if you achieve your goal? Can you handle it? If yes, then move forward. If no, why not and what can you do to get past your fears?
I have had many people start my program and then start taking detours. When we analyzed why, it was subconscious. The subconscious mind was not getting the message that he or she wanted to consciously change. Old fears or misconceptions of what would happen if they did achieve their goal came up.
For example, a patient of mine started to lose a lot of weight and then quickly started to gain it back. When we looked at the real cause of this, she realized losing weight made her feel desirous and since her relationship with her husband was in a fragile place, she began flirting with other men. This caused her to subconsciously sabotage her weight loss and stop her success. Once she worked past her fear, she lost her weight and now her relationship with her husband is better than before.
2) An Unproven Method or System: Do you have the willingness to change but the method is flawed? Did it never work, only worked some of the time or is no longer working?
Many times we will continue to use something over and over again to justify why we started it. Just the thought of starting something new can be painful in regards to time, cost and effort needed.
Is this method a cookie cutter program or individualized for you? Has it been proven successful for others who have your similar circumstance? If none of the above is a yes, then it is time to research a proven structure.
3) No Coaching or Mentoring: If step one and two are not the problem, then are you being coached or mentored? Are you trying to figure this out on your own? Do you get in your own way and are not following through? The method you have chosen, does it have someone who can guide you when you hit resistance whether it is from you or from some outside force?
If you bypass this step, then reaching success will be much harder than it needs to be if you ever get there. I never met a successful person who did not have a mentor or a coach. Not having one of these to keep you accountable or give you information on how to handle the challenges you will face, will lessen your success dramatically.
If one or more of the above steps are not being utilized within your model or method, then it is my opinion you need to fix that step or look for another or create your own program that has all of the three components in it.
I hope you enjoyed this three part series on “killing the monster when it’s young.” Like with any youngster, by getting to them early enough, you can unfold the hidden gift within them. When faced with your monsters, finding the gift within, realizing they come from you and having a model that has all three steps in it, there will be no need to kill them but to revive the true meaning for their existence and use those answers to gain the benefit within.