The Key Behind Every Successful Relationship
Considering a 50 year study of 268 Harvard graduates found that maintaining a close personal family relationship has been shown to be the key predictor in career success, health and happiness, it is important to learn how to have a great work and wife balance.
To me, work is often the scapegoat when it comes to challenges in a relationship when the real cause is often a lack of “communicated appreciation” of each other. Notice that it is not from a lack of appreciation, but the trouble brews in a relationship when this is not communicated.
Here’s how this trouble commonly arises in a relationship…
Husbands have been conditioned to show their love in a relationship by working harder and providing more for their wives (yes, I am using a cultural stereotype in order to get a message across). This often results in them spending more time at work. The wife, who commonly spends more time at home can begin to feel isolated and then often questions her husband about the amount of time he spends at work.
The husband then feels unappreciated, hurt and regards this enquiry as criticism. He then responds with criticism of his wife and then declines to help around the house for fear of further criticism from his wife. The wife then gets worn out and has no time for herself. The tension within in relationship rises. The wife is tired and feels unloved and withdraws affection from her husband.
The husband then spends even more time at work for two reasons. He gets nicer feedback at work and also thinks if he works harder and provides more, he will win back his wife’s affection.
Eventually, apathy begins to permeate the relationship. The husband gives up trying to win back affection of partner and seeks fullfillment at work or elsewhere. The wife shuts down emotionally to partner and focuses her love and fulfillment towards her children and her network of friends and family.
It doesn’t take much to predict that this kind of common scenario in a relationship can lead to breakdown but it doesn’t have to.
Communicate your gratitude and appreciation.
Every day husbands could say, “Thank You” for the time and effort your wife puts into looking after your home and raising your children.
Every day wives could say, “Thank You” for the time and effort your husband puts into providing for you and your family.
Then you will build doors in this relationship where there once were walls.
Written by Dr. Paul Lanthois