I lied. I’m a Barista, not a Mogel.
I met this woman and lied about who I was to impress her. Should I tell her the truth or just let her believe the lie so I can see where this goes. I lied about what I did for a living so she thinks I am some big success instead of a barista at a coffee shop.
I hear you. I think we’ve all lied, or white lied at some point to get someone’s approval, to get the appreciation we craved, to get a better table at a restaurant, to get the job we wanted, to make someone love us.
I remember being terrified to tell people I was dating that I’m twice divorced. However, there’s deep inner intimacy work that one can do to dissolve shame and forgive one’s self so that we learn, grow and evolve into our best self. The very worst CAN bring out the very best in us… yet we have to do the inner work. People serious about relationships, know that relationships take WORK.
Thank you for this question. You’re a brave one who’s willing to admit where you lied and talk about whether there’s a better way that feels more aligned inside your heart. Well done. 🤗
I think we both know that our relationship based on a lie, is headed for the shitters. Deeper Roots create higher shoots. Lying Roots create brittle or dead shoots.
However, there is a middle ground that’s possible, too… You could just own it.
I teach in any of my books and in my group, private coaching and virtual Retreats… the concept of the sandwich. I actually learned it as the President of a Toastmasters group. I have deepened and enriched it with nuances that truly support relationships to thrive.
Here’s the truth:
🎯 We all make mistakes.
🎯 We all mess up from time to time.
🎯 We all need to clean up our messes.
🎯 And we all need to make up for the damage done, intentionally or unintentionally.
So basically with this ‘sandwich’, you could say to her with the first ‘piece of bread’, everything that you’re truly grateful for and enjoying about getting to know her.
Then, in the middle of the ‘sandwich’, for the ‘meat and cheese’ or ‘grilled vegetables’ … you asked permission first, by saying: “Hey, can I tell you something that’s been weighing on my heart?” I’d say something like: “You’re so amazing and I reverted to a really childish behavior that I’m embarrassed about but I want to clean up. I told you I’m more successful than I really am. I do have dreams and visions and intentions to create more income and make a bigger impact… and yet the truth is right now… I’m a barista.”
(And if you actually loooove being a barista and you actually don’t have any plans to generate more income or make a bigger impact, then freaking OWN that you love it and you love interacting with people and you love the freedom it provides and this is who you are and be f’ing unapologetic about it!)💯
Then, the ‘last piece of bread of the sandwich’ has to do with curiosity about their thoughts or feelings. Or giving them time to process the information and letting them know they have every right to feel however they feel about this revelation. It could sound something like: “Given what I just shared, you have every right to call me a liar, it’s just that you’re so amazing I was afraid you wouldn’t like me for the real me. I apologize for lying and I would still very much like to continue getting to know each other deepening our relationship with honesty and meaningful conversations.”
Your Inner Work is to:
🎯 Love the real you.
🎯 Live an unapologetic life.
🎯 Become the one to find the one.
🎯 Stand proudly as exactly who you are.
And if you don’t want to be a barista, then you are a conscious being a choice, and make the choices and create the life you desire!
And if you require support in doing so, I’m here. I have a phenomenal intimacy training and dating app all wrapped into one called HeartMates. I developed it for this very reason that people in general have a hard time sitting in the fire, keeping their heart open, being authentic, honest real in the face of potential rejection.
You still have time to get in on all of the phenomenal bonuses of my Founders Super Circle. The curriculum will support you and being authentic with this woman should she be willing to continue dating you. You will learn how to forgive yourself and stand present and centered with an open unapologetic heart.
And should she NOT be willing to date you based on the lie you told her, you will learn to deepen your relationship with the ‘Little You’ inside your heart so that he knows that you forgive him. Understand that he was just scared of being rejected and believe in him no matter what other’s say or do. You’ll be able to stand authentically in the face of potential rejection and be your best self moving forward. In so doing you might just meet the one right inside the dating app. It’s happened to others in my world… IT only takes ONE ideal person and you’re ‘home’.
Join us now… www.AllanaPratt.com/heartmates
Allana xoxo ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
7 September, 2020
Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt is a global media personality and go-to authority for those who have suffered heartbreak and are ready to live unapologetically, and attract an open-hearted, ideal relationship.
Her vulnerability and courage landed her a featured weekly column on the GoodMenProject, featured as an Icon of Influence, and as a Guest Expert on Huffington Post, People Magazine, Forbes, CBS & FOX and The Jenny McCarthy Show.
This Ivy League grad is the Author of 4 books, has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg and Alanis Morissette, and Hosts the edgy Podcast “Intimate Conversations” where listeners learn how to find the relationship they deserve. A certified coach, Allana was asked by Leeza Gibbons to coach her during Dancing with the Stars. With close to 5 million viewers on YouTube, Allana supports non profits like ‘Rise of the Butterfly’ to end human trafficking while offering private coaching and retreats so that her clients have a thriving intimate relationship with themselves first, which naturally attracts and enhances their ideal partnerships.
Contact Allana directly at: www.AllanaPratt.com