4 Relationship Sanity Secrets During Quarantine
After being an Intimacy Expert for the past 20 yrs working with couples in conflict and the wounds of singles who have endured divorce… The key to long term intimacy comes down to respect.
It’s totally normal and natural not to agree on everything. It’s even OK not to value the same things… Yet I agree with Dr. John Gottman that Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling… will destroy the respect of the union and in time it will dissolve. And I doubt it will be pretty.
Thus, the key characteristic that supports every relationship in lasting AND thriving is learning to feel your feelings, stay true to yourself and ‘hit above the belt’ to build, grow and deepen respect.
Take a Time Out and cool off. Communicate that you love them, you’re not leaving, you’re just taking 10 minutes so that you can be present, heart open and connected for the conversation.
When you have your self induced ’time out’, breathe and count like wonderful Mel Robbins teaches us… 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… “I’ve got this.” Take a deep breath. Shift your posture into a heart open shoulders back position. Smile.
Allow your feelings to be there and get on the surfboard riding them through potential rage to frustration to sadness to disappointment to hopelessness to allowance to calmness to compassion to peace to nothing… stillness… home. What you resist persists, yet what you allow and breathe through will shift and change all the way Home in your Heart.
Own your Stuff, play the zero blame game, be in allowance of your partner’s point of view even if you don’t agree.
There’s no quicker way to build disrespect in a relationship than to blame the other, justify your position and make excuses. And the quickest way to build respect is to own it. Just own it. Period. Sit in the fire and breathe. No one’s perfect. NO ONE. You are just as worthy as a human being if you make a mistake or make an effective choice. Yes, effective choices tend to create more peace and flow… but your WORTH didn’t change.
Your sweet self is always growing, learning and evolving and deserves love and compassion EVERY step of the way. Stay connected to your Little You inside your heart who just messed up, said something uncaring, lost presence, etc.… Let them know that YOU are not going to abandon them. Breathe through your chest as if connecting with them inside your heart.
Then look your partner in the eye and acknowledge what happened. Apologize without an excuse. Commit to making up for the damage done and learning from this experience. Watch how everything calms down inside of you AND your partner. Emotional maturity builds solid connection.
Manage Your Anger by healing your own emotional traumas and triggers with a proven coach or therapist.
When we are emotionally triggered we literally have 5 seconds before we leave our prefrontal cortex and go into survival in our reptilian brain. This is when we react Into fight or flight or freeze and hit BELOW the best. We say things that we can never take back. Things that poison intimacy and destroy respect and connection.
However when we integrate emotional charge and process emotional traumas by facing that which we resist and instead breath through our hearts and discover the gifts of challenge… When our partner does that ’thing’ that used to drive us bonkers… we literally stay present, able to access our creative thinking, connected to our intuition, aligned with our compassion and empathy, connected to our BEST SELVES and thus connected to our partner.
Seek understanding not being right. Be curious about why your partner feels a certain way rather than quick to defend, justify or be right.
When we’re triggered all we want to do is kill before we get killed. We’re unable to seek understanding. We honestly don’t give a crap about why they feel how they feel. We just need to survive under any circumstances. Again that’s why it’s imperative one partakes in inner growth work and intimacy training to dissolve the emotional triggers that create conflict, separation and the dissolving of intimacy and relationships.
Once you turn emotional pain into courage, sadness into compassion, shame into confidence, anger into allowance and more… you will literally feel responsive to your partner not reactive. You will begin to feel curious about why they feel a certain way not from superiority, but from authentic care. You will have the ability to honor their point of view as a valid point of view and want to learn more. You will feel solid in your values and open to how your beloved sees the world.
You will literally be able to completely disagree, yet completely understand one another and appreciate your unique perspectives and points of view. You will be able to become the embodiment of that Ying Yang symbol, where two opposites come together into one, able to honor one another’s point of view while resting in your own truth.
No positive attitude can get you here. No repeated affirmation creates this result. No visualization alone does the trick.
It requires full integration of emotional charge with all the elements of image, thought, emotion and body sensation to 100% be processed like alchemy into a higher vibration of Presence, Grace, Oneness, Home. And this is totally possible with all we know about brain science and quantum psychology!
That’s why I’ve chosen to become a coach and healer. I am trained and continue to be trained in the most cutting edge processes to help my clients balance their emotions and experience profound confidence, peace and thriving intimacy.
A great way to start to heal your triggers is to heal the blind-spot that’s holding them in place. You and I both know if you were able to see them, you’d heal them, right? Thus when you take my quick, easy and proven Intimacy Blind-spot Quiz, you will discover the culprit behind a sabotaging pattern you haven’t been able to change… AND how to breakthrough.
Take the assessment now at www.AllanaPratt.com/quiz. You’ll be one step closer to not just hitting above the belt… but learning to cultivate deep rich connected intimacy with yourself and your partner in the face of any circumstance… creating devotion and soul shaking union.
To your thriving, love!
27 April, 2020
Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt is a global media personality and go-to authority for those who have suffered heartbreak and are ready to live unapologetically, and attract an open-hearted, ideal relationship.
Her vulnerability and courage landed her a featured weekly column on the GoodMenProject, featured as an Icon of Influence, and as a Guest Expert on Huffington Post, People Magazine, Forbes, CBS & FOX and The Jenny McCarthy Show.
This Ivy League grad is the Author of 4 books, has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg and Alanis Morissette, and Hosts the edgy Podcast “Intimate Conversations” where listeners learn how to find the relationship they deserve. A certified coach, Allana was asked by Leeza Gibbons to coach her during Dancing with the Stars. With close to 5 million viewers on YouTube, Allana supports non profits like ‘Rise of the Butterfly’ to end human trafficking while offering private coaching and retreats so that her clients have a thriving intimate relationship with themselves first, which naturally attracts and enhances their ideal partnerships.
Contact Allana directly at: www.allanapratt.com