How to Get over Someone You Never Dated.
Have you ever met someone who is devastated that someone didn’t like them back, that someone rejected their affections, that someone wouldn’t give them the time of day… yet they’re still talking about it? Weeks, months or even years after?
What’s wild about getting over someone you never dated, is that we have to first acknowledge that the whole experience of a ‘relationship’ was a fantasy in the first place.
Staying disappointed, upset, miffed, sad or hopeless that someone didn’t choose you as their match is a way of staying connected to them in the past rather than being in the present moment… it’s a way of not having to move on. In reality, given they were never connected to you in the first place, the whole ‘relationship’ is made up. This way we don’t have to feel the depth of rejection, we don’t have to heal, grow and move on. It keeps our attention outwardly seeking rather than inwardly evolving.
Thus guess where the healing needs to occur? Inside your being, and in reality… or we’ll just keep creating more fantasies and more suffering.
Intimacy is an inside job.
When we have a solid intimate relationship with ourselves, we come into an intimate relationship with LIFE and can then stay in reality in an intimate relationship with another. We have our own back, even when things get intense, and can stay in reality.
Here is a path to getting over someone you never dated:
🎯 OWN IT!
With total compassion and non judgment, own the fact that you were making the whole thing up, that your attention is stuck seeking their approval, seeking an answer on the outside, seeking a different reality than what is so. Give yourself a hug.
🎯 ASK WHY?
Most people who create fantasies do so because their fear of rejection creates such an avoidance of disappointment that they live in their heads and don’t feel their feelings. They haven’t learned to navigate intense emotions, to breathe, to stay present, to sit in the fire. They tend to spiritually bypass or define their happiness from outside approval and circumstances. Ask if this resonates…
🎯 HOW CAN I CHANGE THIS?
This is where you need to choose to grow internally… what is it going to take to live in reality, to date in reality, to grow with another in reality? It’s going to take courage. Bravery. Showing up. Risking rejection. Feeling feelings. Intimately connecting to my heart and soul. Knowing I’m enough no matter what’s happening on the outside.
🎯 GET SUPPORT.
This is where you realize that going it alone has only created the pattern of fantasy so it’s time to learn how to come back into balance in reality. Moving forward, choose a mentor or coach who walks their talk, who is both vulnerable and credible and who has gotten people results in this area. Let them have your back, provide acknowledgment, compassion, clarity, direction, healing and results.
Please remember you’ve done your best every step of the way. Not wanting to get hurt again is totally human. Now you are becoming a person who is willing to grow in resilience, grit and perseverance and create a new reality. You’re willing to see the gift in being brave, the lesson from a painful experience, the situation as an invitation to awaken a dormant part of you.
Living in reality is for the bad-asses of the world, the brave, open hearted ones willing to get back up after they fall, grow and evolve, and HAVE their dreams come true. If someone doesn’t want to date you, that’s OK! Keep going! Bless them on your journey and keep your chin up. Let go of seeking attention from someone who can’t give it. Give yourself affection, attention, approval and appreciation.
And don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle! Learn to trust your intuition and follow your bliss… be your authentic self and keep showing up. The deeper your intimate relationship with self, the deeper and more fulfilling your relationship with your ideal partner will be.
You got this!!!
Huge love, Allana xoox
13 October, 2019
Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt is a global media personality and go-to authority for those who have suffered heartbreak and are ready to live unapologetically, and attract an open-hearted, ideal relationship.
Her vulnerability and courage landed her a featured weekly column on the GoodMenProject, featured as an Icon of Influence, and as a Guest Expert on Huffington Post, People Magazine, Forbes, CBS & FOX and The Jenny McCarthy Show.
This Ivy League grad is the Author of 4 books, has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg and Alanis Morissette, and Hosts the edgy Podcast “Intimate Conversations” where listeners learn how to find the relationship they deserve. A certified coach, Allana was asked by Leeza Gibbons to coach her during Dancing with the Stars. With close to 5 million viewers on YouTube, Allana supports non profits like ‘Rise of the Butterfly’ to end human trafficking while offering private coaching and retreats so that her clients have a thriving intimate relationship with themselves first, which naturally attracts and enhances their ideal partnerships.
Contact Allana directly at: www.allanapratt.com